I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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