no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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