Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
