pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
