oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You work out of a Hotel?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
did i just pee glitter
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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