just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
