By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
