Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
