Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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