i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
