Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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