I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
