I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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