if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
All the doctor said was why
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
