i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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