I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
