Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
