He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
