Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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