yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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