why didn't you poke me back
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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