woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
