i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
