dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
