i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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