"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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