i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
