She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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