i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
