Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
