he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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