heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
