I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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