bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
