That's intense
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
