Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
