He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
