I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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