He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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