Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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