i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
