the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
