And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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