need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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