i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
