thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
