Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
