shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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