Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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