you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
