I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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