even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
