So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
