There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my phone needs a breathalizer
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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