right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
