So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
