so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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