please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
