I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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