Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish you could order shots online.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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